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Home Aftermath FAQs

FAQs

written by Eno May 11, 2018
FAQs

In today’s post, I would like to address the stuff I haven’t spoken about yet in my previous posts. So this will be a question and answer format where I answer all the questions I have received so far from you guys.

Why did you start this blog and why the name “Talkative”?

Well I always have this rush when I have a project I have to work on or start. I felt this way when I was about to start my business and my foundation and I felt the same way when I had to start this blog. I wanted to be as open and honest as possible and make sure everyone was fully informed about EXACTLY what we go through throughout this journey. It is beautiful but its also tough and we need to all open up more to avoid “surprises”.
TALKATIVE…well that’s easy, that’s exactly who I am. That is the best way to describe me so that was an easy decision especially given the fact that I was about to do a lot of TALKING.

How old is your son now?

He’ll be 6 months next week! I’m super excited lol

How is motherhood now? Is it more stressful?

It’s definitely a bit easier now because I have finally gotten into the rhythm of things. I now know what each cry means ( the I’m sleepy cry, the carry me cry, the I’m hungry cry, the I don’t want to go to that person cry etc.) He has also settled into a proper sleep pattern and he’s way more responsive with his smiles and giggles and cooing. However, the responsibilities are still there but you get used to it. Washing and sterilizing bottles daily, changing his sheets every few days, doing his laundry every other day, sometimes daily to prevent milk stains, folding said laundry, feeding, managing to still have the little energy left to carry him and play around and put him to bed. Some days I want to tear my hair out from the stress, some days I don’t.

My babies cry a lot and want to be held all the time whether asleep or awake, any tips on that?
There’s a trick to this. My mother always said that raising my brothers and I, she had  strict rules she followed that helped her and I did exactly the same.

• I always make sure he sleeps in his cot; he doesn’t sleep on my lap or our bed. So usually I can carry him or rock him to bed but immediately he nods off, I put him in his cot so he is very familiar with it.
• I never wake him up to feed. Never ever. He sleeps and then wakes up on his own and then I feed him. He is on formula but my mother did that to us when we were strictly on breast milk and we are all alive and well. Calm down lol. This has been my most helpful tip because he gets enough sleep and he isn’t too fussy. The recommended number of hours for a baby to sleep is 17 hours and he was getting all those hours until now. Now, he sleeps a bit less than that but it goes a long way.
• I make sure he follows his sleep pattern. I noticed he sleeps right after I bath and feed him in the morning and then he wakes up to eat again, then he sits in his bumbo seat, does some tummy time on the play gym till he’s tired and then sleeps for some hours and wakes up to eat and the cycle continues till night time when he sleeps throughout till morning. He eats 4-5 times a day.

Do you have a nanny?

No I don’t. I don’t have anything against having one but I just haven’t gotten anyone I trust yet. I also don’t have a 9-5 job so I am home a lot anyway and I am focusing on my rental bit for now which my guys can handle so I don’t physically have to be there for that. Funny enough, whenever I think I will get one, I hear a scary story about what a nanny did to a child and then I get deterred. Another thing about me is, l find it difficult having anyone but me handle the baby stuff. I like to wash and sterilize all his bottles myself, do his laundry, change his sheets all by myself and I know even if I had a nanny those things, I will still do. So what exactly will she be doing is my question. For now my mom helps from time to time so lets see what happens in the future with more kids.

How do you manage to get everything done?
To be honest, he has always slept continuously throughout the night and still does so I truly can’t relate to the losing sleep memes. But like I mentioned earlier, this is due to the rules I followed right from day one.
His sleep pattern is what truly helped me. I usually get every single thing done within those hours he’s sleeping eg working out, writing, prepare invoices, cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, reading etc. Kobby and my mom help and I have a lady who does the cleaning and ironing, watering the flowers etc. I have a small space but it was tough for her at the beginning because of the amount of cleaning she had to do. Every corner has to be clean, otherwise I can’t think straight. With a baby, I can’t overemphasize how important it is to have a squeaky clean home.

How many kids do you want?

Before marriage, I wanted 3. After getting married, before having a baby, I changed my mind and decided I wanted 2 because I felt that would be easier to manage. I also felt with 3, one always felt left out. With my two little brothers and I, I felt left out because I was a girl and they had so much in common. My last brother also felt left out because I was closer in age to the brother born after me (we’re one year 3 months apart) and he was about 6 years younger than I was. So yes, for now I am sure I want two but you’ll never know.

I have been married for 5 months and still haven’t been able to conceive. Is there anything I can do to get pregnant. I am tired of people who keep asking “When are you having a baby”?

Some Ghanaians are intrusive and will never mind their own business. At some point you’re going to have to focus on you and ignore everyone else. You have one, they will be asking for the next, then the third and no one is going to contribute to the upkeep of this child. KMT. Anyway I will say 5 months is still early to be worried. I doubt there is anything wrong with you, I’m an optimistic person so I’ll say it will happen soon just keep praying about it. People say when your mind is off it, is when it happens but that’s easier said than done. After a while, you can also get checked at the hospital to be sure everything is fine. I know when you’re on birth control for a while, it also delays conception so maybe it will take a little while but you’ll be fine.

Which hospital did you deliver at and why that one?

Lister Hospital. I went there after I changed from the previous one I didn’t like ( I won’t mention names). I remembered my niece and nephew(twins) were born there and we went there to visit my sister in law and the ward was very neat. I was also impressed by the food that was served. It did not look like what I had imagined hospital food to look like; fried rice with grilled chicken and salad? I mean I was expecting to see soups and oats and stuff like that. It was the same for me. Breakfast, lunch, supper were all very good and actually tasty. I had several options to choose from. My ward was cleaned regularly and I loved my gyno. Our insurance ( Nationwide) is also accepted there so it’s practically free. Lister is not perfect, you have your share of some rude nurses but so far the good far outweigh the bad in my opinion.

Are you on any birth control?
Not yet. I have never actually been on any. I have been scared of them ever since my mom told me what had happened to her. In her case, she couldn’t remember which type she took, but she couldn’t bend her knees for 3 solid years after taking it. She also didn’t have her period throughout this time, hence, the age gap between my little brothers. She was only able to give birth 5 years later. It was a tough period for her and it scarred me. A lady I met also told me she was on the pill. The one she took after her first child made her lose so much weight, she looked sick and the other one she’s taking is making her gain weight. The coil is another problematic one. My cousin’s wife got pregnant even with the coil and had complications and lost the child. It was tragic. I am still reading through to see what I’ll finally settle on. If you have any suggestions, I will be grateful.

How is it like managing a dog and a baby?

It was a bit tricky at the beginning but we found a way around it. Once we touch her, we have to wash our hands immediately so we don’t contaminate the baby. She isn’t allowed too close to DJ for now. We might allow that when he’s a bit older, say past one year. She has been acting a bit sad because the focus isn’t on her anymore but we still try to give her attention but of course not like before. She’s still bubbly occasionally.
Milan has always been an indoor dog. She was actually like my first child. I bath her, dry her, cut her fingernails, file it, feed her and play with her. I had no idea she was going to be such a huge responsibility especially when she gets sick. That’s the worst. I have put eye drops in her eyes, forced medication down her throat when she refused to take it, given her glucose, put food in her mouth like I was feeding a baby when she refused to eat. It’s been crazy. So when people said I needed to get rid of her before I gave birth, it was insane to me. I haven’t mentioned half of what I have done for this dog. When I was home alone throughout my pregnancy, she always kept me company. To me, she’s now a part of the family. My kids will grow up and play with her too.

Do your breasts really shrink after birth?

Well I was never a busty person to begin with. I always had a small bust. They increased in size when I got pregnant and I was so happy but sadly they’ve shrunk right back

Did you do exclusive breastfeeding or mixed feeding?

I begun with mixed feeding because I never had enough breastmilk at the beginning. Then due to the supplements I took (which was supposed to help me produce more milk) mentioned that in one my previous posts, my breast milk ceased. I am now solely on formula. I changed from NAN-1 to APTAMIL when he was about 8 weeks. No real reason, I had just read better reviews about APTAMIL so I switched. It is more expensive but worth it. He is now on APTAMIL 2 to complement weaning.

How was it like for him switching to just formula?

Surprisingly easy. I was shocked. He just went with it. He finishes his bottle in 10 minutes or less and then he’s full. So yea he took it very well. God knows it would’ve broken my heart if he didn’t.

Has he started solids?

Yes he has. He was supposed to start at 6 months but my mother kept bugging me to start so we started this week. A week before he turned 6 months. Why she couldn’t wait, I have no idea. The first day he had about 3 teaspoons of cerelac and the it’s steadily increasing but he still prefers his milk. Slowly we’ll get there.

Why does he usually have a soother?

Well the very first day he was born, his fingers were in his mouth. When he has no soother, he will insert his fingers so deep, he will start to choke. Yup it’s crazy. Or, he will put his blanket or anything he can grab on into his mouth. I prefer to have the clean sterilized soother in there than any foreign object.

What do you use for his full head of hair?

Just raw organic shea butter from Skin Gourmet. It was a gift from a friend and I have been using the jar since he was born. It’s still not done. It has grown so much, it is very tough combing his hair now.

How is it like when you take him out in public?

At first he would cry A LOT! It was embarrassing. Now that we take him to church he has gotten used to people so he doesn’t cry. Infact he doesn’t cry at all in church, maybe the hymns are soothing, I don’t know.

Is your hair natural or permed?

My hair is natural. It’s actually locked. My mother has Sisterlocks and she trained to do it for for people. A year ago, I decided to lock mine so she locked my hair. I already had natural hair, it’s usually expensive when installing but I had it done for free so I can’t complain. It has been the best decision because I was tired of what the perm was doing to my hair and this is so easy to manage. I am waiting till it gets to a respectable length, then I will expose it finally. Lol!

When did you start working out after having the baby and what did you do?

I started exactly 6 weeks after the doctor told me I was fully healed and gave me the green light to start. I gained a total of 20 kilos throughout this pregnancy so I had my work cut out for me. I will be doing an entire post focused on what exactly I did that will really help mothers trying to lose the weight. There is no easy way out and I am not an exception. Trust me it is very achievable.

Is it true that your vjayjay never gets back to normal after natural birth and how is sex like?

Alright, this is a question I have been waiting to answer. This was one of my biggest concerns when I considered vaginal delivery. I was sure I would be huge after pushing out a baby. I have not lied and will not start painting a perfect picture to you guys but this is my honest truth. NOTHING CHANGES! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! There is no new normal like I read. For me, the first sexual encounter was a bit off because it wasn’t quite back to normal so I felt so weird about it. And you can tell it has opened up a bit because it’s your body and we both agreed it had changed. I had even accepted it. Then something strange happened. I was told to do a lot of Kegels (Pelvic floor exercise) which would help firm things up down there but I never remembered to do that. I started working out at 6 weeks like I mentioned. I was doing a lot of planks and tummy exercises and if you’re familiar with these exercises you will realize that as you’re doing it, you are involuntarily holding your breath and tightening your pelvic walls; essentially doing Kegels. I would do this for a minute for 3 to 4 sessions, morning and evening and magically everything down there went back to normal if not firmer. I have spoken to people who didn’t work out who said it went back on its own but it took a while. Working out accelerates the process and tightens it up WELL! I truly have no issues with vaginal delivery anymore. Take my word for it. Sex is the same as before.

Did you have any concerns exposing baby DJ to social media very early in his life? I know the western world don’t have any issues with that but what’s your take on baby photoshoots?

I did initially. The superstitious African in me didn’t want to. So for the first two months I never put up his face. Later on, Kobby convinced me to let go. He said if I am a Christian and I prayed for the protection of my child, why would I think anyone could harm him. I prayed about it and I felt at peace showing him off so I have no problems at all! I am very transparent. My wedding pictures, my pregnancy shoot, a lot of milestones are on my page so I wasn’t about to leave him out. I have finally gotten to a point in my life where I’m okay sharing these parts of my life without caring what people think. That’s really their problem. I will do this over and over again. I love it! I am not a very private person as you may have noticed. I share a lot…sometimes too much. If you are private, sharing personal things like this may not be your thing and that’s also fine.
To answer your question on baby photo-shoots, I think they are beautifullll and some memories need to be captured, so by all means take as many photos as you like and Live A Little!!!!

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7 comments

Nina May 11, 2018 - 4:20 pm

Hii Eno. I saw that you are not on birth control. Please aren’t you scared of getting pregnant. How do u manage sex. And does copy put pressure on you for sex.?

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Eno May 20, 2018 - 9:00 pm

Hi Nina. Oh no he doesn’t put pressure on me at all . Hmm ow we’re letting nature take its course lol. If I end up with a second one I might have no choice but to go with the flow and then i’ll put serious measures in place. Still researching the best and safest option so your suggestions are welcome!

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Ann-Marie May 12, 2018 - 9:33 pm

That your breasts shrink…absolute BUMMER! ??? A child was looking forward to packing on some extra chest chale!

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Maame May 25, 2018 - 5:12 pm

I’m here for all this transparency ANDD Kobby’s advice. Spot on! ❤️

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Eno June 1, 2018 - 3:43 pm

You’re most welcome❤️

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Elorm Ankrah May 31, 2018 - 1:57 am

Keep writing Eno!!!! Regards to DJ

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Eno June 1, 2018 - 3:43 pm

Will do!

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