Our wedding was in 2015, we both decided we wanted a year to ourselves and then start trying to have kids after. By 2016-2017, we had started trying to have a baby in earnest (wink), always waiting to see if we would be a day late so we could rush and get a pregnancy kit ( but trust my Flo app, it was always on time!). We still kept trying though. As God would have it, 20th March 2017, at a friend’s birthday party I realized I was 2days late. I hadn’t even noticed.
So 21st March, I rushed, got a kit and thanks be to God we were pregnant! I woke hubby up and showed him the kit and in typical movie like fashion, he asked “for real?” and we hugged and kissed. I called my mum (of course!) That was my prayer partner. Mummy suggested I go to the hospital right away. I found a clinic close to work and the doctor asked how late I was and suggested I wait a couple of weeks before going to the hospital as nothing would show on the scan if she checked because it was early. She added that we use this waiting time to find a medical facility we would like to visit throughout the journey. The next couple of days I was on cloud nine. I found myself smiling silly all the time, looking at baby things, downloaded baby apps….
Two weeks after we found out, on Monday morning, hubby and I were getting ready to go to work and I felt blood trickling down my thighs. I screamed! This wasn’t part of the plan. We got in the car and rushed to the nearest clinic as our preferred hospital was far away. We got there and the sonographer was not in. I had to wait till 8am when he waltzed in. He finally called me in at 8:45am. I got into the room and lay on the bed, silently praying in my head, begging God for everything to be okay.
After moving the cursor on my stomach a couple of times…
“Yes, I see a sac but there is nothing in it” he said
“What does that mean?” I asked
“You have lost the baby” he said
My ears were ringing, I felt cold all over. I was ushered in to the doctor’s office and he proceeded to tell me that it happens, and it was normal, there was nothing I could do about it, to stop crying and to move on. Move on? After just losing my first baby?! He then added that it was urgent we had a DNC procedure done to take out what was supposed to be my baby.
“The sooner the better for you, because it could cause further issues” he said.
We went back home and I cried myself to sleep, woke up and cried again for two days. Yes, I didn’t go back there, yes I was praying and hoping for better news. So on the third day, hubby and I went to what would have been our preferred choice of hospital. Walked into the doctor’s office with a broken spirit, fervently praying. After narrating the story, he asked me to lay down. I lay there as he moved the cursor on my tummy. He kept squinting then…
“I can’t see anything” he finally said
I started crying!!!
“Oh but I’m not done, why are you crying? Please lay back down. Since you are in your early stages, it may not be detectable. I would have to do a transvaginal scan to see what’s happening. Please stop crying” he said.
I lay there as he inserted an instrument. Honestly, at this point, I had my head to the side, sobbing. My eyes were off the screen. I mean what was there to see? Then, I heard the doctor say
“Can you see that little black thing on the screen? That is your baby.”
He proceeded to increase the volume and there was my baby’s heartbeat!! Suffice to say, I started crying again!! This time, the waterworks were of joy. Thank you Jesus!!!
I hugged the doctor I had met barely 10mins ago, so tight. He commended us for seeking a second opinion. Hubby looked like he was fighting back tears, but that was okay, I cried enough for the two of us! We left the doctor’s that day happy, drained, expectant and then angry!
“Wait, so that first clinic would have flushed my baby out?!”
Anyways, positive energy all through from here on out” I said to myself.
I started going to the doctor’s like every pregnant woman, happy and hopeful for the journey ahead. At 8 weeks, one Friday I went in, lay on the bed, doctor moved the cursor and kept moving it up and down. I knew then and there, something was wrong.
“Baby has stopped growing” he said.
I just stared at him.
“Is it due to the nausea and the morning sickness?” I asked.
“No it’s not. Unfortunately, these things happen” he said
For once, I was too numb to cry.
“Wait so I almost lost this baby, then I didn’t, now I have lost it for real?”
“As a pregnant woman, your hormones had to double each day but they didn’t.”
He gave me a slip to go run some tests. I took the first test that Friday, and took the second on Sunday to tell the difference between the levels and scheduled to go back and see the doctor with the results on Monday. That was the longest weekend ever. I was sad and hurt and guilty. I walked into the lab on Monday and mentioned my name to the lab technician. He printed out the results, glanced through before stapling it, looked back at me with pity THEN I knew my baby was gone. My doctor gave me two options; either DNC or he would give me a drug to administer at home and let my body miscarry the baby itself. I was too traumatized for surgery but in hindsight I should have chosen that because the alternative was something else! The pain!!!!. I administered the first drug that Monday and the second on Wednesday, I was told to expect the pain in 4 hours, I felt it in 30mins! I cried, hubby cried, he helped me up when I was sprawled out on the floor of the bathroom, weak and just oozing blood all while throwing up. It wasn’t a pretty sight. I was finally able to get some sleep around midnight on Thursday. I lost weight instantly. We went back to the doctor’s on Friday and after the scan I was told “everything had come out”. I was given drugs and counselled. I was advised not to try for a couple of months then try again. It was a difficult time.
A week after I lost my baby, hubby and I were involved in a near fatal accident when a drunk driver hit us. I escaped with a sprained wrist and some aches and pains but my first thoughts were
“OMG! What if I was pregnant?”
A visit to the doctor after the accident, confirmed that considering where I was sitting, and how the car moved, and the things it hit during the whirlwind moment, not only would I have lost that pregnancy, it could have done some irreparable damage!.
Wow! isn’t God good? I had to let my baby go because he or she wasn’t growing well and would have come out really sick or worse. As painful as it was, I could have still lost the baby through an accident and I would never even have the chance to try again!. Thank God for his perfect plans for our lives. He knows what’s best for us at all times. I lost my baby late April, had an accident first week of May and by September 2017 I was blessed to find out that I was pregnant again so definitely a happy ending to that year.
Today, I have an adorable baby boy who just turned one in May and I cannot thank God enough. It’s been a real journey.